How weird…it hasn’t happened to anyone…no one has done it…yeah, sure! There is no reason to be ashamed; we have all been through some phase in our life when the object of our desire doesn’t correspond and we cling to it more and more, following a slow self-destructive mode. For some of us, this can also become a way of life regarding our approach towards the other gender. I have heard friends saying that they still remember after years a person that have hurt them deeply and for whom they can still trace some signs of adoration. In other cases, when our partner splits up with us, only then do we decide to “become what the other person wanted us to be” and we suffer, we do everything it takes to win him/her back, and, if that happens, we then turn back to this amazing self of ours that has led to the separation. So many relationships based on the spicy sweetness of this endless chase and this continuous search for reassurance…so much energy lost!
Have you ever wondered “why”? Have you observed yourself to check if this has become a way of life for you?
Healthy relationships are based on love: the two-way, true and least possible selfish love; the love mostly towards our self that allows us to feel fulfilled and give the best we can to our partner; the love of forgiveness mainly towards our self that lets us forgive our partner as well; the love where we have eventually accepted our self in order to be able to fully accept our partner too.
The case in our days of “yes, I want you, but, it’s not possible, I cannot do it, it’s not the right timing” is becoming more and more frequent and worrying at the same time. What’s going on then with this generation that it is now required to deal with sentiments the way it has inherited them from its parents? A generation that is also asked to confront a society that more than ever unsettles it, makes it feel angry and guilty, lets it jobless and upsets its reality?
Here are some things that from time to time I have thought of how someone can stop clinging to some ghost from the past and move on with his/her life:
Love your self; nobody will do it for you. All other sources are there probably because you are filling in their gaps, and, once you stop, they will not love you anymore. You should try to light up your glorious self, avoiding external vampirism. Once this happens, only then will you be able to experience healthy relationships.
Forgive yourself for mistakes you have made and move on. That simple. Just allow a switch of mind.
If a person is worth to stay in our life, that’s the way it will be. No matter what, even if we do nothing he or she will be there for us. Just like that. It is not beauty or doing your best that matters; if the other person wants you and there is chemistry between you, then, all the rest is a matter of human behavior.
Do not waste your precious energy on someone that is not for you. Look deep inside you to find out who you are, what is it that you want and then evaluate the situation.
Locate the wrong perceptions that you carry along. Most probably, the person that you want and who doesn’t want you has mirrored your dark side and has obviously hurt your ego. It is all about fictional systems of beliefs that have been dominating all our life and designate the chemistry with each person. Some good examples of these systems are the following: the syndrome of the good child, the ideal woman or man that our family and our society has instructed us to look for, the “must/want to get married and must have a child” case, the “hunter and warrior” syndrome, the sentiments of “I don’t deserve to be loved” and “I am not of any worth and through you I feel that I have a life and I have a value”, the perceptions of “I will end up alone” or the competitive behaviors of “I must have a beautiful woman by my side so that they can envy me” and many more.
Ask yourself: is this the energy you really want to have in your relationship with this person? Even when you will be together, once you get your reassurance, you will get bored and walk out, which I sense is all a pattern within you.
It is not real!!!! Beautiful relationships have a daily routine. And allow me to add, that, if it was something so real, wouldn’t you have appreciated it earlier on?
In effect, accept that it is over; the loop has closed beautifully and the situation reached an end. The end! Our life goes in circles and they all come to an end at some point. I am not saying they cannot be rekindled…but, even if they do, for a situation to last there must be some catharsis, some change in the energy between the two of you in order for the relationship to be set on a new foundation.
To stay on track, here is also an energy-related explanation: you might have a relationship based on karma that needs to be cleared up, meaning that you might be carrying energy charged karmas. But, even if you clear them up, it is free will that prevails, which means that if we do not work with our self, no miracle will take place.
On the other hand, those of us that feel more secure to invest on relationships that are built on competition and rejection in order to keep the interest of our partners alive, then, let’s admit that we are far more insecure compared to those that decide to jump into the fire even if they get burned. Let’s not also forget that, what you give is what you get. Mainly though, wasn’t it maybe about time that we exposed to the other person the grandeur of our heart in its bare form, hoping that the other person will love us for what we truly are and not for the image that we project? What a relief!
It might seem that this is all related to rational thinking, while in reality, the issue lies in our heart. Therefore, what does logic have to do with something which nests in our heart? Right. Still “clinging to someone” to which we are referring to here, is actually related to the mind, our perceptions and our shortcomings. It has nothing to do with the heart.
To all those people that have made us spend sleepless nights every now and then, we owe them a big “thank you” as without them we would have never gotten the chance to explore ourselves, enlighten the wrong systems of beliefs that we carry and eventually move on, through a healthier perception, to better relationships; relationships that make us better individuals.
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